"Mommy, what does Henry have on his pee-pee?"
So, it was finally here. The 3-year-old girl had commenced the study of a lifetime on What Makes Boys and Girls Different. I knew it was coming sooner or later -- just didn't realize it was going to be sooner. But I reacted pretty calmly, I think.
"Henry has a penis, baby."
"What's that?"
"All boys have penises for pee-pee. Like all girls have vaginas." Yeah, I'm big on calling a spade a spade.
"Why?"
"Because boys are different from girls."
"So Josh has a penis too? And Jordan has a penis too? And Hugo! And Owen!" she began a list of all the boys she currently knew. Glad we made that clear.
That was pretty easy. But it got me thinking on how I would reply to Raina when she came up with other inevitable questions -- like the one about God.
I've believed in the existence of God most of my life, even though my thinking mind (and scientific husband) played havoc with that belief. On the one hand, I well understood the Big Bang Theory and the randomness of our own life on earth. On the other hand, I just believed that everything happens for a reason, that there's good in all people, that there was something spiritual about feeling one with the world around us. But lately, believing all that just hasn't been adding up for me. Bad things happen to good people all the time. Some people are just born bad -- and will stay bad all their lives. And what does feeling one with nature have to do with a god at all?
These are just a few of gazillion thoughts that dwell in my mind, and I'm far from having any answers. But believing in God stops the questioning, I think.
How do I convey all these thoughts to my little girl? The U.S. is a very God-saturated country -- a Christian God at that. I think I'd like her to know that mankind doesn't have all the answers dealing with our existence, and believing in any god gives people's lives some meaning and purpose. It makes them accept the elements in their lives that's beyond their control. That although I believe all the gods are "equal" in a sense, most people believe their god is better than anyone else's and will try to change her mind if she believes in the "wrong" kind. Then I will tell her about her heritage -- the pantheon of Hindu gods and goddesses. I will encourage her questions and I will admit when I don't have the answers. And if when she grows up, she decides to believe in God or not, that will be her choice, and I will have to accept it.
When I write this all down, it doesn't seem that answering her about God would be that hard. And if I don't have any definite and satisfactory answers for her, I can at least pass on my questions.
14 comments:
You know, I hear so many kids ask such questions and I keep wondering why my own don't ask! Hmm.. maybe they are still innocent or they couldn't care or worse they are finding out on their own.
I am not sure which I'd like it to be.
ha ha the questions have started!
i tried to give my daughter secular views on the whole god business. has worked so far.
Oh, god, it's just easier to talk about sex, isn't it? But what do you tell a four-year-old who wishes she were a boy so she could have a "downward pee-pee"? Or "Where did you keep me until I came out of your tummy?"
LOL! Glad i have all of you for guidance. i am dreading the sex talk. as well as the GOd talk.. just posted on it today. i know what you mean... for a hindu in the Christian US is as hard as a Christian in a largely hindu India.. but what we believe and teach kids at home makes a huge difference so hang in there.
nothing is good or bad. its just our thoughts make it.. wat might be good for you .. not necessarily be good for somebody else.. but ya.. explainign stuff like these to kids is diffcult.. coz even adults remain confused about it for a lifetime..
Rads: Depends on how old the kids are. I've a feeling at some point, R's going to seek info from her peers, rather than moi.
Namvor: What do you exactly say? That all religions are created equal? Am curious to know.
Terri: I actually know a friend's daughter who went through this phase of arching her back in front of the loo, imitating her male cousin! Thankfully it was shortlived. As for "where did you keep me until I came out of your tummy?" -- question has been asked too -- and answered. Raina was hanging out with all her buddies her age, waiting to enter their mommies bellies at the right time. :) Worked well so far.
MM: Living in the US has definitely given me a keener perspective of minorities in India.
Dev: You got that right, for sure!
ok muser here goes:
i strongly beleive in the whole karma theory. basically whatever happens to you is a result of something you have done types. hubby beleives this though not overtly like me. so net net we are on the same grounds which makes it easier when it comes to the kids. i am the one who actively gives fundae on religion etc and i have explained this karma business to my daughter. also i tell her that god is someone who conquered stuff like anger/greed/hatred/jealousy and that is why we pray to him saying that he is great to have done so and we also hope to do the same. this is more or less the essence of what i have been taught and it is fairly easy to teach this to kids and is also not religion-specific. i also teach her prayers and explain the meaning to her.
of course this is followed by 'what exactly is god and where does he stay?' type of questions. when my 2nd kid was born my daughter asked the 'where does baby come from?' questions. i told her that a bit of mummy + a bit of papa + a little 'dot' (soul) all mixes up and a baby is made etc. also that she and the baby were possibly friends in 'dotland' (again referring to karma - they must be connected in some way before this life is what i beleive).
so thats my answer to where does god live - in 'dotland', which is probably what one would call moksh/swarg/heaven.
all this makes a lot of sense to her because i have overheard her explain it all to her friends!
oh and one more thing. my hubby's family eat meat but he has converted to vegetarianism. i am a jain and a strict veggie. i have explained to my daughter why the hubby and i choose to be vegetarian. however she knows that her dadi (her 'favouritest person in the world' :) ) eats eggs/meat and has asked why. i have explained to her that different people beleive in different things and that is what they think is right, a bit like how everyone has different favourite colours. so while we think we should be vegetarian and not kill animals, others may think differently and thats their wish. i think it all made sense to her because she always asks if an unfamiliar dish being served (outside home) has eggs/meat but is also perfectly comfortable with her friends eating meat next to her.
phew long comment! hope it makes sense to you!
Namvor, you mention that you are a jain - from what I have read, Jainism is a atheistic religion. It does not believe in a God as such and it does not believe that the laws of nature can be changed by divine intervention or by praying to a divine being?
That being said, I have immense respect for Jainism and its philosophy. Many of us dont relaize it but some of the concepts from jain philosophy and incredibly sophisticated given that some of those concepts were created at a very early stage in modern human civilization.
The concept of Ahimsa (towards others and oneself) which I believe originated in Jainism is a incredibly simple yet powerful concept. If taken seriously, it has the power to solve a lot of problems in the world around us.
ps: absolutely true. jainism beleives that the soul (aatma) carries the baggage of karma - both good and bad - accumulated in previous births as it journeys through an endless cycle of birth and death. 'tirthankars' are the ones who have managed to get rid of this baggage and thereby broken this cycle and by attaining supreme knowledge or 'kevalgyaan'. they thus attain 'moksh' or a state where they are no longer involved in teh whole birth/death business. these are the ones we pray to and whose idols are worshipped.
you are right - we dont beleive that god can rescue us, even though we beleive he has the power to do so. this is because he never intervenes in what is deemed to happen due to karma. the only one who can make a difference in this cycle is the soul in question itself like say A hurts B. then by the karma theory B will hurt A at some point and so on. however A or B can choose to stop the cycle by choosing to not hurt the other back.
so yesin a sense it is atheist but we do have scriptures which are either praises of the souls who have attained moksh or detaialed description of the theory of karma or detailed description of the universe. it is amazing how much practical knowledge is there, all in either sanskrit or prakrit.
so yes when i teach my daughter prayers i tell her we pray so that it will calm our mind and help us think out a solution better.
i think all religions are pretty much the same in essence. it makes so much sense to children because they are untainted by cynicism or negativity yet.
sorry for the typos/errors in the comment above - using the sleeping toddler in my arms as an excuse!
Namvor: What interesting comments, and thank you for taking the time to write. From what I gather, then, Jainism sounds atheistic to me -- Jains pray to the tirthankars more for inspiration and strength to be like them, than for expecting them to intervene in their lives and make them better. Isn't the aim to be like a tirthankar yourself? I don't think that sounds like other religions at all, because most assume there's a God who listens to all prayers and can make things happen for you. Your responsibility is to pray and God will listen. In Jainism, it seems like the emphasis is on individual responsibility -- to actually make the change happen...
precisely muser. you pray to get strength rather than to seek divine intervention. you do refer to the tirthankar 'taaranhar' meaning someone who rescues you but again it is to draw inspiration from rather than to actually get him to intervene.
and yes the idea is that every aatma can become liberated if it chooses to by ridding all the karma baggage - both good and bad. in fact there are 24 of them in what is called a 'chovisi' which is a certain number of years (which is an icredibly big number). in the next chovisis there is a different set of tirthankars.
(toddler hungry, bye!)
Namvor, I don't see why one needs to pray to the tirthankar, though. Did the tirthankars pray to the others in their quest for kevalgyaan? And if so, who did the first tirthankar pray to for strength? Shouldn't the aim be to obtain kevalgyaan by oneself without aid? I guess I am just anti-prayer and anti-dependency (but pro-meditation).
very good Qs muser. you are beginning to sound like my daughter now!
the tirthankars possibly prayed to the previous ones (not sure) but primarily meditated to gain knowledge of all sorts. meditation is a very big part of all the jain rituals.
in any case this is the philosophy of jainism. there are elements which i havent comprehended at all. all i do is to take the gist of it - the whole idea that what happens to you is a result of what you have done, plus the fact that you alone have the power to change it - that makes a lot of sense to me, even if looked at from a rational/scientific POV, and this is what i teach my daughter. she enjoys going to the temple with me and doing the rituals so we do it.
in other words, i try to teach her the spiritual bit. hey i think i have given too long a commentary and will stop totally now!
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