I knew life would change after Rohan's birth, not just for me, but for Raina, P and even Pikey The Cat. What I didn't know was HOW. Here are some hows:
1. Everyone tells you having two kids is double the work. And after having one child, every mom knows what's coming when she decides to go for a second one. So everyone tells you it's going to be hard, you know it's going to be hard, you prepare yourself mentally for it, you convince yourself you can deal with it, and when it actually happens... it's still SO DAMN HARD! Yesterday Rohan barely slept all day and was still up at 9 p.m. at night. After dealing with him and Raina the entire day, I was just ready to cry. So I did.
2. The past week has been especially bad as my in-laws left last Thursday for India. I miss them. My mother-in-law would cook everyday and ask me every morning what I felt like eating. My father-in-law did the laundry religiously. When Rohan was cranky and wouldn't sleep or eat, they would accept him gladly. Mummy would coo him to sleep in the bouncer; Papa would carry him on his shoulder and talk to him. When Raina was feeling housebound, Papa would take her with him for his walk to the park. When I couldn't watch the Hanuman movie with her (Raina's latest craze), Raina would cuddle with her Dadiji. Children grow so much easier in a joint family.
3. But I also realized that living in a joint family is not for me. Eventually, I need my space. But that space comes at a price.
4. And presently, that price is having Rohan attached to me like a temporary extra limb, while Raina hovers restlessly around, being constantly shushed by me.
5. The past week has also made me realize that while I'm trying too hard to be the perfect mom for a 3-month-old, I'm trying too less to be the perfect mom for an almost-4-year-old. Am trying to dig up the patience to be a good mom to both, versus a perfect mom to none.
6. Raina LOVES Rohan; she's constantly around him, kissing him, reading to him, singing songs, talking baby talk. She wants to swing him, she wants to cuddle with him on his activity mat. And instead of appreciating it, I'm always telling her to watch out, not so hard, not so loud, be careful, he doesn't like that, don't put that on top of him, be careful, BE CAREFUL! I can't seem to stop myself, even though each time I tell her that, her face falls.
7. While Raina's an angel with the baby, she's being the devil with P and me. Hardly surprising considering the above. Two days ago, she threw a screaming tantrum absolutely refusing to go to bed. I have never heard her scream that way. It wasn't because she was scared to sleep in the dark because she started by smiling at me with a "What are you going to do now?" look on her face. She went to bed only after we threatened to put her in the garage -- and began carrying her there.
8. She's put a bunch of cream in her hair, fiddled with her medicines, refused to eat, created a mess around the house. During one afternoon nap, I found her in bed with about 20 baby wipes. The other day she was wearing three sets of underwear. Some of it's funny, some just scary. Most of it is designated to have me scream at her.
9. P and I are trying to step back from the scolding. I wish we wouldn't expect her to always be obedient and good.
10. Am also trying to get out of the house more often with her and the baby. But the weather's not been cooperating lately.
I tell myself things will get better. We three will get into a routine. Rohan will grow bigger and more independent of me. As he grows more independent, I'll grow more patient and Raina will act out less. The future will come as always, one day at a time.
13 comments:
Muser: These are the best times. I know it's hard to believe, but they truly are. :)
*hug.
Rads, what you're telling me is that it's all downhill from here, aren't you? :) Thanks for the hug, I do need it.
after i had n4 i realised that having just one kid is such piece of cake!
big hug to raina.
Hi Muser - I came to ur blog from ur comment on Cee Kay's and I couldn't resist from commenting because I have just been there, in fact I still am. Tough and relatively easy time are coming in cycles at our home. I'll levae you the link to one of my posts when my little one who is now abt 7 mths old was abt 2, as also links to articles (babycenter.com has excellent ones in my opinion) I read and re-read at those times to maintain my sanity, in the least!! Good luck!! I totally know what u r going thru' ..but we'll wait for our kids to grow just a little bit more :)
http://ouralmosteverydayblog.blogspot.com/2007/08/how-we-are-managing.html
Oops I realised I have copied/pasted relevant stuff from articles in a word doc. If u want I can mail to those to u or else just serach for whatever u want to on babycenter.com and u can get those urself.
Choxbox, that's so true!
Neera, thanks for the babycenter tip! Will check out that -- and your post.
It's tough but as you say, one day at a time. All the best with both of them.
thats what i call a mess!! i am scared already...
Neera, I checked out your post. Looks like we're all sailing in the same boat.
Dipali, thanks! 3 months to go to hit the 6 month mark, and maybe then things will get easier.
E Homemaker, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? :)) Short-term hardships for long-term happiness.
Having an older one around and having a baby to take care of is hard - easy to lose your temper. I elected to have my elder kid (daughter) go to daycare. I still feel I "don't-ed" her too much - she was just trying to help, yeah ? And she's the sensitive one, so gotta be more careful.
YES, these might be the best times, but sanity first, yeah :-) ?
Amodini, my daughter goes to preschool two days a week. Needless to say, those are the most relaxing days. And personally, I think the best times will start after Rohan's 1.
Muser, when was pregnant with n4 a friend had remarked that the first year of her second child was the toughest time of her life. Remembered those words so many times.. but yup it does get easier eventually and then there's no end to the fun.
Btw came her to tag you, do take it up if/when you can.
Hougs:) Having been there , it occurs to me that Raina is perhaps doing all this for some extra attention which she thinks you have diverted to the baby .Not that you dont know it! Maybe your husband could put in some extra time with her and take her out of the house so that she feels she too is important. At times like this older kids do feel left out.
Choxbox, so I've heard. I can't wait for the fun times to begin!
EL, we do know she's engaging in attention-seeking behavior and dad does take her everywhere he goes. For the most part, she's so good so much of the time, we really can't, and shouldn't, complain. Knowing all that, I still yell at her way, way too much. Gotta cultivate the patience I don't have.
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